| Ah, its been a while since I've written in my xanga. It seems rather foolish to begin writing in it again, but then again, I was never really logical in my thought process. As of lately, I've been scouring and indulging myself in... dare I say, Disney movies. At this point in time, it seems really childish, and any 18 year old guy would be caught dead watching Disney movies... especially Disney movies. Maybe its just me, but the happy endings that always occur at the end intrigue me. There's always a happy ending. Always. Maybe that's why I continue to watch them, whether is Tarzan and Jane living in the jungle having the time of their lives, or Prince Charming riding off with one of those princesses, I'm always intrigued by their happy ending. Its something we all yearn for, a happy ending. Thats why we work, we go to school, we study, all for the prospect of such a happy ending. Of course, no one really lives happily ever after right? Its just a misguided conception like that of the American Dream that we build our entire lives on and would hate it if it were all just a big pile of... well you get the idea. I don't know, sometimes I try to put my life into that storyline... so I can figure out when the happily ever after comes in. Sadly, happy endings are only for the main characters. The sidekicks, villians are all sold short of a happy ending. No no, only the main characters deserve a happy ending. In Sleeping Beauty what becomes of the fairies? What happens to them? A thank you and good-bye from king? Their purpose is finished, the main characters have their happy ending, they've fallen in love and will live happily ever after. In life its always the main characters that get the attention, that get the love, and will be on top of the pedestal. The sidekicks and villians and given the short end, never a happy ending just a sold short bargain. I often wonder what I would be in a Disney movie, what my friends would be and so on and thus forth. No matter how I see it, I can't be the main character. I can't be a protagonist, its just not my job. I'm usually the sidekick, the one on the side supporting the protagonist. Either that or a villian. I remember as a kid when we used to play on the playground. Every kid wanted to be the hero. To make the "story" fit, I would play the villian... beaten senselessly by so many heroes. I never really liked heroes. Maybe because I was always the villian. Or maybe it was due to the fact that heroes always succeeded, no matter the cost and with pure determination and will they would make it through. It irks me. I hate having no good qualities where I can compare myself to others. Atheletic ability, non-existant. Artistic capability? What a joke. Intellectual capacity? Barely functional. Social creativity? Yeah, right. So there it goes. All of it right before my eyes. I know I can improve myself, but I find myself doubting the use of such an improvement. I know that sounds like a emotional rant and a cry for attention. I'm not going to deny that, such a statement usually is. It usually wants someone to notice it and out of pity give some kind of attention towards the person who wrote/said such a statement. Pity isn't something I am seeking. I don't need it. It is however, very depressing when you see people around you rocket past you. Take... my brother for an example. He's rocketing skyward, and heavens know it'll be just a matter of time till he towers over me. Intellectually he's kicking my ass. I used to play easy on him in chess and I would trounce him like nothing. Now? No matter how hard a fight I put up, I find my pieces always lacking, always in pinned positions and a king that is ready to be executed. I've lost my edge in chess. I find that so pitiful. I loved chess because it was something I was really good at. I've crushed teachers that relished in a good game of chess in high school. I adored chess. But somewhere along my pompous walk, I tripped and fell. My strategies and tactics in chess became useless. Sounds like some crap pulled from the Joy Luck Club huh? Probably. Waverly and June... I hated the book. Reminds me of how useless I am and how I haven't strived to be a better son to my parents. But thats another rant... another time. Back to my heros, sidekicks, and villians. I've no clue what I've been ranting about for the past few paragraphs. All I know is that I've written a slew of crap. That's about it. I just want a happy ending. And some food. I could do with some food right now. This rant here really has no point, 'cept a bitterness towards heroes and such. Maybe some more thinking after food. Till then. |
